Forget "having it together" — success is an unraveling
How I (try to) flip each "setback" into an opportunity
Hi I’m Lisa 🌚 Startup founder, brand consultant, ocean advocate, surfer, yogi, investor and traveler among many things. Welcome to my fortnightly newsletter where I share personal discoveries and insights across life, business, branding, environment, creativity, spirituality and everything in between to challenge thinking and inspire the kind of future I wish to live in.
Last week I attended a Women in Business lunch put on by a local queen who has been hustling to make her business thrive, like so many of us business owners are. And that was her inspiration — to bring a bunch of likeminded entrepreneurial women together to share what challenges and successes have led them to where they are now and to sit in good company knowing that none of us are alone on this wild journey of building a business.
The Myth of “having it together”
For me what was the biggest eye opener was that of the women who appear to have it all together with traditional success markers, whether they are in a partnership, have children or own a home, most of them were in fact in a period of starting a completely new kind of business in unknown territory. No one had been in operation for years, but what they did have, is a lifetime of experience, and what I switched on to was how that experience, while it didn’t appear to relate to their current work, in fact had so much, if not everything, to do with what led them to that point in their life and how they show up in the world of their current line of work.
Collapse = Growth
So as we shared our journeys, what kept coming up was that even when things are going well in one part of our life or we finally reach a certain milestone, it often seems that in the same moment something else seems to collapse. At that moment it hit me — a teaching that I often get in my yoga and meditation practices — there is no utopia or destination to be reached. This is it. We are in it. And there is no such thing as having it all together because the very part of growth is actually going deeper within ourselves to better understand our inner purpose, our fears and our thresholds. And the moment we unlock a new realisation about ourselves, the next barrier is waiting to be addressed, like an endless video game that has no final level.
Later that day, I read a quote in my social media feed that summed it all up for me: “You get tested the most, when it’s time for you to elevate. Do not break.”
You see, there is no “having it together” that society has romanticised in books, film and social media. In actuality, life is only a constant unravelling of layers with the reward of getting to know ourselves better than we ever did before. At nearly 40 I am not the same person I was at 30 and at 30 I certainly wasn’t the same person I was at 20. I have slowly been shedding parts of myself to reveal a new upgraded version of myself while holding on to the lessons in my toolkit of life.
Embrace the unfolding
So much of this can also be applied to business when we are looking at taking a turn in our career or starting a new businesses that feels completely unrelated to our past work. It can often feel like we are “starting over” and we will often use it as an excuse to justify a dip in our finances, a set back, a period of struggle and the mental battle of “when am I ever going to have my shit together”, when in reality, who actually does have their shit together?
This is the beautiful thing about community - it’s an opportunity to come together to share our stories so that we feel less alone in our own shit. To be reminded that we all have struggles we are dealing with and we all have lessons to share. We can learn from each other. Lean on each other. Feel comfort in knowing we are all just trying to figure it out and do something meaningful. It’s all part of the unraveling. The becoming. Setbacks are actually just the next level in the video game, a signal that you are ready for the next challenge in life. Because life wouldn’t take you there if you weren’t ready for it. This is life. Challenges will keep coming as long as we are here on this earth.
I have found that if I can flip each felt "setback" into an opportunity, then it starts to feel more like “growth”. Perhaps you can relate to some of these examples:
A job loss: Ok, what other exciting opportunities are out there waiting for me? What am I being nudged into doing next?
A breakup: Ok, what can I learn from that relationship, so that my next is even better and more aligned with my goals in life?
A financial loss: Ok, that was an investment into some big learnings. How can I now get paid to teach people not to make that same mistake?
Starting over in a new country: Ok, who do I want to be, how am I going to talk about myself, what do I want to be known for, what unique insights can I offer from my country?
Pivoting to a completely new line of work: Ok, how can I apply my current skills to this new line of work and what unique perspectives can I offer that no one else can?
So the next time you are faced with a new “setback”, take a breath, smile gently and remember how much you have achieved and shed to be deserving of this next challenge. Because what feels like a setback or “starting over” is often the gateway to something deeper and more aligned.
Much love x
Lisa